My Blue Heaven (1990)

How can this movie fail? Steve Martin is my favorite comedian and Rick Moranis is...funny. But, oh my god, did this fail. Massively. Hardly funny and horribly 90s.

Martin plays Vinnie Antonelli, a mob informant who is currently in the Witness Protection Program and has been relocated to the suburbs of San Diego. Moranis is FBI Agent Barney Coopersmith, the agent put in charge of Vinnie's case. As Vinnie constantly starts to blow his cover, the FBI is getting more and more frustrated. After a trip to the court hearing in New York, the mobsters catch up with Vinnie. Now, they know he's been relocated and they are going to catch him.

Short description because I just can't really talk about this movie anymore. It was so bad. Steve Martin was just so unfunny and Moranis just played a schlub, per usual. The directing was awful, the physical and spoken humor was not there. Don't ever watch this.

44 Inch Chest (2010)

A prime example of a movie looking so good in the trailer and then being so bad as a film. The one redeeming factor was Ray Winstone, the only actor who seemed to be trying. In the end, the movie told me nothing.

Colin (Winstone) is a wreck after his wife says she's leaving him for a younger man after 15+ years of marriage. When his friends arrive to comfort him, they find his house a total disaster and him unable to move from the ground. Meredith, Archie (Ian McShane and Tom Wilkinson) and the rest decide to teach the bloke a lesson in humility. He should know better than to bed another man's wife. They kidnap him from the restaurant he waits tables for, drag him to an undisclosed location and throw him into a chest for safe keeping. After some poking and prodding at the waiter's ego, they let him out. It's then that Colin wants some time with him alone. That may not be a good idea.

Like I said, nothing happened in this. There was no pressing issue in the plot, there was no redeeming message at the end of the movie and, in the end, none of these characters are likeable...even Colin. Winstone did such a good job at trying to stable this movie that his performance really saved a lot of this. Other than that, no thanks.

2012 (2009)

Not quite sure where to begin with this. I knew what I was getting into when I sat down to watch this, but I'm just a sucker for cheesy disaster flicks...and this one ranks right up there in cheesiness. On the plus side, the graphics were very cool.

Jackson and Kate Curtis (John Cusack and Amanda Peet) are separated or divorced, probably divorced although they never say. While Kate seems to be moving on with a new boyfriend, Jackson is just struggling with life as a starving writer. While their seemingly normal life is going on, geologist Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) has discovered the Earth's core temperature is rising and it's only a matter of time before the crust begins to erode. In 2012, that day has come. Helmsley is trying to figure out where and when the disaster is going to hit. Jackson needs to get Kate and his kids out of harm's way and fast. How long can they possibly outrun it? I mean, it is the end of the world.

I'm not going to say I wasted 2 and a half hours of my life on this movie. I'm going to say that only 1 hour and 45 minutes were a waste, the rest was some mild fun. Overacting and green screens and nonsensical dialogue aside, the actors did the best with what they have. Ejiofor is a terrific actor and had an admirable performance. The rest, not so much. I'm not recommending this, unless you really have the time to spare.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Fun, action-packed, British...those are some of the words that can describe this latest Sherlock Holmes foray. In the end, there may not have been a whole lot of substance to it, but it was still a fun time.

Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr.) is a bit of an eccentric while also being a genius in the process. He has the ability to see 5 moves ahead of any foe that gets in his way. While chasing after Lord Blackwood (terrific character actor Mark Strong), who uses the black arts to "sacrifice" his victims, Holmes and Dr. Watson (Jude Law) use their intellect and wit to get passed anyone who stands in there way. After initially capturing Blackwood, the dark Lord escapes his hanging and is now terrorizing the British government and citizens all over again. Now, Holmes is the one who is a few steps behind and needs to play catch-up before Blackwood proceeds to kill all of Parliament.

Guy Ritchie's directing style seemed to get lost at times in this movie, but that was to be expected. My one problem with this movie is that I wish there was more focus on the detective work Holmes and Watson do as opposed to the fighting and chase scenes. Not to say that those were bad, quite the opposite actually, but if they would have gone just a bit into how they got from here to there to get the bad guys, it would have been better for me. Still a fun ride.